I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
