Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
