hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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