Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
