he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
