his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
