it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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