i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
