Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
