You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
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She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
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It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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