My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
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Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize