So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
