a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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