There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize