dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I could fuck to npr.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
