i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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