I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
People in love make me want to vomit
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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