Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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