I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
