Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
