Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
