you traded sex for a burrito?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
