Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
