omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
