We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
