absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
