32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
