He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
