I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
