I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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