i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Randomize
