How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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