I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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