I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just cut my nipple shaving
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
