Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
