i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
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He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
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I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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