Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize