he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
