i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
