Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
50% drunk capacity currently
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
