please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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