sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
vagina is talking i cant
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize