P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
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Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
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I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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