I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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