well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
