Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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