it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
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His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
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Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
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