i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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