Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I don't deserve a penis
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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