And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
