I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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