I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize