Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
