There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
