the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
