i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
