Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Couch. On fire.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
