Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
