somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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