You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
