are you still at the devil's house?
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
