good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
My vagina just recognized that song.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
