i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
