I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
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going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
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Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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