so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
