this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
