I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
