I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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